Friday, February 24, 2012

Much Ado About Everything: An Explanation and the Introduction

All right, so I said that I would be posting this play that I wrote a while ago for your amusement. Let me explain it to you first so you don't think I'm completely insane:

I love writing parody plays/stories and this one came to me a while ago when I saw all those alternate classics where they mashed vampires with Jane Austin. So I decided to take that idea and spoof it even farther, deciding to write about and that is this play which is called "Much Ado About Everything"--and that's my salute to the brilliant William Shakespeare!

I'm not going to say too much in fear of giving anything away, but below is the cast of characters you will see in this play; all of them are from classic books, or at least famous books or plays, poems and even epics with several historical people thrown in. I hope this cast list might help you and I hope you enjoy the insanity which is this play!

Slainte, Hazel

Cast of Characters
The Narrator--The Narrator
The Three Musketeers:
D’Artagnan--youngest out of the four (not really a musketeer) A Gascon and a hot head (but good with the ladies)
Athos--A Musketeer who likes good food and wine and doesn’t trust women because he was betrayed by one
Porthos--A Musketeer who likes finery, food, and ladies.
Aramis--A Musketeer who really wants to be a priest, but also wants to be a musketeer. He’s fond of handkerchiefs.
Romeo and Juliet:
Romeo--A young feuder who likes to duel and has practically no sense of romance whatsoever.
Juliet--Romeo’s love interest and not much more
MacBeth--A tyrant king
Lady MacBeth--A tyrant queen
Duncan--Was the king, is now a ghost
Malcolm--The guy who became king after he killed MacBeth
MacDuff--The guy who told Malcolm he should be king
Historical People
King Edward Longshanks--Edward I of England. No good tyrant (historical figure) Famous for fighting with William Wallace
His Wife--His wife (historical figure)
Robin Hood--Archer. Do I really need to explain who Robin Hood is?
William Tell--The man known for shooting apples off people’s heads. Swiss
Little John--Robin Hood’s companion. Is actually big
Prince John--Richard the Lion Heart’s little brother. Tried to take the throne and failed (historical and literary figure)
Eddie--Edward II. Longshanks’ good for nothing son. (historical figure) Agatha Christie:
Hurcule Poirot--The little Belgium detective with the distinct mustache
Captain Hastings--His faithful partner (also known as “Battla’” in reference to the Battle of Hastings)
Hamlet--The man himself (Prince of Denmark) has some serious ghost problems.
Yorik--Skull and ghost eating poptarts in this play
Beowulf--Epic hero known for fighting monsters, owns the famous sword, Hrunting
Wilfred of Ivanhoe--Known as Ivanhoe mostly. A knight. Loves the fair Lady Rowena
Athelstan--Lazy son of a Saxon lord named Cedric. Likes to eat. Rowena’s cousin (or something)
Brian de Bois-Guilbert--Norman knight and templar. Full of himself. Loves another girl named Rebecca
Maurice DeBracy--Brian’s friend. Likes fancy clothes
Horatio Hornblower:
Horatio--The captain of the Hotspur
Styles--His steward who worked in a prison kitchen three months for free
Mr. Bush--Horatio’s first Lt. Thinks--knows--Styles is a fraud
Wuthering Heights:
Heathcliff--That wild gypsy moor-dweller who doesn’t know how to function in society
The Sacketts (Louis L’Amour):
William Tell Sackett--Everyone’s favorite Sackett (mine’s actually Flagan) shoots apples
Nolan Sackett--From the Clinch Mountain variety. An outlaw
Lando--(Orlando) Son of a pirate. Loves to box
The Tinker--A Tinker. A Gypsy. Honorary Sackett. Loves his knives but won’t share them
And all the rest of them (except the nameless one who got eaten) and there’s a good few 
Epic of Gilgamesh:
Enkidu--Gilgamesh’s friend. Is also known for getting rid of monsters such as the giant bull.

Much Ado About Everything
A Play by Hazel West
Narrator: Good day, fellows one and all. I am here to tell you a story that has never been told before. One that is full of tragedy, angst, true love, fighting, treachery, absolutely no comedy, and did I mention a lot of bloody battle scenes? This is a tale that has been lost for centuries and I am here to tell it to you today...
D’Artagnan comes up and puts his sword to the Narrator’s throat.
D’Artagnan: We all know you’re lying, so you had best just skip to the good part.
Narrator: But they have to know about the story before we can tell it. This is called an introduction for a reason! I...
D’Artagnan presses his sword harder and gives the Narrator a meaningful look.
Narrator: All right. We’ll go to Part One then. Now please put that sword away. You must get ready for your part!
D’Artagnan: Oh, right. (Sheathes his sword and walks away)
Narrator: As I was saying, this is a play about tragedy, angst...
Athos, Porthos and Aramis all have their swords to his throat.
Athos: You were saying?
Narrator: Oh, all right. I’ll just skip the introduction.
Athos: (sheathing his sword) Good.
They walk off and Narrator turns back to the audience.
Narrator: All right, I guess that means we are moving to Part One. Please enjoy the play!

I'll be posting the first part soon so keep an eye out for it!

Next Part


  1. *laughs heartily* Love it already. I'm really looking forward to how you work all of these different characters in! Should be quite entertaining. And it will certainly go to prove that classic rewrites/parodies can be quite enjoyable. When there are no vampires. ;)

  2. Don't be so sure about that, haha ;) You'll just have to see how it goes, I'm not going to give away the surprise. I should have the next part up tomorrow.