Sunday, March 31, 2013

Books of Note-- March Reads


I didn't get to read as many books as I wanted to this month due to finishing Anthony Maxwell which was no loss, obviously. But the books I did read were very good, and I got to read my first new release of 2013, The Runaway King by Jennifer A. Neilsen 

A kingdom teetering on the brink of destruction. A king gone missing. Who will survive? Find out in the highly anticipated sequel to Jennifer A. Nielsen's blockbuster THE FALSE PRINCE!

Just weeks after Jaron has taken the throne, an assassination attempt forces him into a deadly situation. Rumors of a coming war are winding their way between the castle walls, and Jaron feels the pressure quietly mounting within Carthya. Soon, it becomes clear that deserting the kingdom may be his only hope of saving it. But the further Jaron is forced to run from his identity, the more he wonders if it is possible to go too far. Will he ever be able to return home again? Or will he have to sacrifice his own life in order to save his kingdom?
The stunning second installment of The Ascendance Trilogy takes readers on a roller-coaster ride of treason and murder, thrills and peril, as they journey with the Runaway King!

Review

Thoughts on the Overall Book: After reading the first book in the series, I had a couple problems with the way the story was brought out and the plot was revealed, but I had hoped that the second one wouldn't have any of that in it. As it turned out, it didn't at all, and the author has progressed brilliantly in plotting (though writer to writer, the plot of the first book was kind of tricky, so I understand where the problems originated). This one however I really didn't have any complaints on it, and since nothing threw me like it did in the first book, I was able to just sit back and enjoy it far more.

Cover--Yea or Nay: I really like the covers for this series. They are simple, but neat. I love the font of the title and really I love swords on covers. That's a thing of mine.

Characters: Sage/Jaron (though I'll always call him Sage) is who sold me in the first book despite my couple complaints, and I really wanted to read more about him. I loved how in this book, he stayed the same in character, but yet, you can tell he has also matured a lot since the first book. That showed in the sacrifices he had to make in the series and the very hard decisions and even betrayals he had to make to keep people he loved safe. I continued to like Imogen, she's just the kind of female character I like reading about. I would have liked to see more of Tobias, but I have a feeling we'll get to see more of him in the next book.

There were a couple new characters I enjoyed meeting too. Fink, the urchin boy, is a new favorite of mine, and I love how he kind of treats Sage as an older brother and vise versa. Erick too, was kind of an interesting character because you were never sure whether he would be good or bad. Another favorite addition was Harlowe, even though he wasn't in the story all that much. I just adored the little father-son relationship between him and Sage.

The Romance: There's not a lot of time for romance, but you can kind of tell there is definitely something between Sage and Imogen [and I was actually really sad that their feelings are kind of unrequited. They are a couple I would root for, but the end of the story is yet to be told!

Writing Style: As I said earlier, I think that, in ways of flow, "The Runaway King" is much improved over "The False Prince" which is exactly what I had hoped. The writing and dialogue and everything in the first book was good, it was just the few flow issues that I complained about. But this one flowed very well and I was gripped through the whole thing. It's definitely one of those books that grabs you. Also, extra points because Jennifer A Nielsen can write pirates that don't come across as the lame cliché pirates that usually get thrown into books these days. They were actually like real pirates to me, and making them mercenaries to the highest bidder was also a good turn. Also, I appreciate, like I did in the first book, that wounds are actually mentioned in this story. People who follow my reviews (and who have read my own books) probably know that I hate it when a character is wounded pretty badly and two minutes later they are running and fighting the baddie. The fight Sage has when his leg is broken is pretty accurate. It's like a 'I need to do this no matter the fact that I have a broken leg' than the usual "oh, I only have a broken leg". It was his determination that kept him going.

Problems/What bothered me: I really didn't have anything to complain about in this one.

Conclusion: 5 stars I enjoyed it a lot, I'm just sad I have to wait for the next book after that evil cliff hanger at the end! I have a feeling the third book is going to be pretty awesome. For a middle trilogy book, this book was awesome in itself. So many times, the middle books are kind of blah.

Recommended Audience: Fans of the first one, Ranger's Apprentice fans would enjoy this as well, 12 and up.


(Read Mara's Review of "The Runaway King" here. Though it's pretty much the same :P)


Having ended the Edgar-Award-nominated Shelter with a jaw-dropping cliffhanger, Coben picks up Mickey’s story right where it left off in this suspenseful new adventure. Mickey and his loyal new friends, sharp-witted Ema and adorkably charming Spoon, once again find themselves in over their heads on the hunt for missing pieces to a puzzle they have yet to understand. As the mystery surrounding Mickey’s dad’s death unfolds, he soon learns that they may be in more danger than they could have ever imagined.



Review

Thoughts on the Overall Book: This was another really action packed suspense novel that gives me hope for this series and its quality. I liked how it continued almost immediately after the first book so it's not really a change of pace, and that, while we have a little closure, there's still plenty of twists and plots and foreshadowing that makes the reader look forward to the next one a lot.

Cover--Yea or Nay: I liked this cover way more than the first one. It makes more sense to me according to the story and I really loved how there's an outline of a face in the fire. Very cool!

Characters: Mickey is still a likable and great protagonist/narrator. I enjoy reading him a lot. Ema and Spoon are pretty much the same too, and I'm glad we finally got to find out a little more about Ema too. Rachel is still kind of an enigma and I kind of like that, she's one of those characters who can sometimes surprise you. There wasn't really a baddie like Buddy Ray in the first one, but I like the foreshadowing of the blond guy and know this is likely not the last time we see him.

The Romance: There's not really any romance to speak of. I'm actually not even sure what will happen in that department, but in my opinion, I like it the way it is right now.

Writing Style: Same as the first. Fast paced, but without seeming movie-ish and thankfully not in present tense. Really good for a contemporary novel from a guy's perspective.

Problems/What bothered me: I didn't really have any problems. The plot wasn't quite as epic or dangerous as the first one, but I didn't enjoy the book any less because of it, and it was still a really good page turner, I mean, I stayed up super late just reading the first half of it, and only stopped because my eyes got too tired.

Conclusion: 4 stars. I enjoyed it a lot and I'm eagerly awaiting to see what happens next. I can't wait until the next book comes out and hope it's not too long!

Recommended Audience: Suspense/mystery fans would enjoy. A good guy read or girl read 15 and up.


Divorced and down on his luck, Gaius Petreius Ruso has made the rash decision to seek his fortune in an inclement outpost of the Roman Empire, namely Britannia. In a moment of weakness, after a straight thirtysix- hour shift at the army hospital, he succumbs to compassion and rescues an injured slave girl, Tilla, from the hands of her abusive owner.

Now he has a new problem: a slave who won’t talk and can’t cook, and drags trouble in her wake. Before he knows it, Ruso is caught in the middle of an investigation into the deaths of prostitutes working out of the local bar. Now Ruso must summon all his forensic knowledge to find a killer who may be after him next.
With a gift for comic timing and historical detail, Ruth Downie has conjured an ancient world as raucous and real as our own.


Review

Thoughts on the Overall Book: I'm really glad I gave this book a go, because now I have found another historical series that I really love! "Medicus" is a somewhat quirky, easy to read historical fiction novel, and just the kind of book I love to sit down with before bed. I never thought I would enjoy a 'hospital drama' so much, but I really wouldn't put it in that category at all anyway. Number one, Ruso is an army surgeon who I always have much more respect for and can usually like, and two, it's light hearted, and not based around the hospital, so plus, plus.

Cover--Yea or Nay: I like the cover. It's obviously set in the Roman era, and it's simple, yet it looks like a mystery novel.

Characters: Okay, so I loved Ruso right off the bat. I adore dry witted characters, and even though this book wasn't in first person, it feels like it is because you're pretty much in Ruso's head. He's so good hearted, yet all this stuff happens to him because of it which totally makes for a sympathetic hero. I loved the quips between him and Valens. Ruth Downie writes men's relationships very well and can also tell truths about them only women would ever write about--such as the anti-cleanliness on their living quarters. Reading about how filthy their bachelor's quarters were and how they didn't care just made me crack up because I know all too well how true that is. I also really loved Tilla. She's just the kind of female protagonist I love to read about. She was capable of doing what she needed to, and yet she was never once annoying, though I wanted to shake her a couple times for listening to people she should have known better not to trust. But that all just made me sympathize with her in the end. Priscus was throughly fun to hate too. And though he wasn't a really evil baddie, the reader still wished to see Ruso get the better of him.

The Romance: There's not much at all, but it's definitely hinted (and expected) that Ruso and Tilla will have some sort of relationship in later books. And I support their romance because I genuinely care for them.

Writing Style: While not the most engaging mystery plot I have ever read, the characters were who really drove this story and made it enjoyable. You cared a lot for the characters. If I hadn't, I probably would have been more disappointed that there wasn't a better mystery plot line, but I really didn't feel cheated at all at the end of the book because of it. Ruth Downie's writing style is what really sold the book though, and made it work. It's filled with lovely wry humor that I adored, and is snappy, and engaging without being overly descriptive as some historical novels can be at times. I also appreciated that she addressed all the inaccuracies in the book in her author's note. As an author, and one who has dabbled in this time period and setting, I understand completely how hard it is to find real information for thorough research. The reader will notice the somewhat modern flair in the novel, but it is only going to make it a funner read unless you're a really stuffy person who shouldn't be reading anything but text books.

Problems/What bothered me: I really didn't have any complaints which made me really happy. Even though parts of this book take place in a brothel, nothing is described in detail. And for the people who don't like blood, there's not much of that either, considering this is a novel about army surgeons. I was really glad that the birthing scene was not detailed but even as it was, there was still too much detail for my liking. That is one of the few things that can make me want to throw up while reading.

Conclusion:4 stars, I really liked it, and am looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

Recommended Audience: People who like an easy historical read would enjoy this. Also fans of the Falco novels would appreciate Ruso.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Much Ado About Everything: Part Four

As promised, here is another part of "Much Ado About Everything". If you missed last week's you can find it here.

Enjoy!


Part Four
The Debate

Narrator: While D’Artagnan and the others are caught in the most suspenseful part of this play, we’re going to take a quick trip over to Sherwood Forest. It’s a bright spring day, the birds are singing, the deer are leaping and Robin Hood is skipping through the forest.

Robin: I do NOT and never HAVE skipped!

Narrator: Whatever. Suddenly, another man comes from out of the trees, also carrying a bow.

Robin: How now, stranger! Stand and deliver! I am the outlaw Robin Hood! And I steal from the rich and give to the poor! Give me all your money!

Stranger: Do I look rich to you? No. I came all this way just to test my abilities against the “world’s greatest archer” and this is what I get? Robbed!

Robin: Who are you then, stranger, that you speak to me so? I am the Prince of Thieves!

Stranger: Whatever you say. I, on the other hand am William Tell.

Robin: (laughing) Oh, you’re that apple shooter! You think you can best me?! 

William: Of course I do. That’s why I came here. To prove it!

Robin: (grinning) All right. We’ll have a little match then. We’ll both shoot apples off each other’s heads.

William: Hold on a second. I don’t know as if I trust you to do that.

Robin: Why not? 

William: Because I know I can do it, but I’m not sure you can.

Robin: Well, see here, I don’t quite know if I even believe in that story about you either. You know how word gets around.

William: Every bit of it is as true as that you are an outlaw!

Robin: Really? Prove it!

William: All right, I will. I’ll shoot an apple from your head.

Robin: Oh, no you won’t! Not until I shoot one from yours!

William: I already said I didn’t trust you to do that!

Robin: Well, I am the greatest archer in the world! How could you not trust me to do it?

William: I have never seen you shoot before.

Robin: Then you will! You’ll see me shoot an apple from your head!

William: Have you ever shot an apple from anyone’s head?

Robin: That was not the original question!

William: So you haven’t! How do you know you can?

Robin: Because I am the best archer in the world! I can do everything you can do and better!

William: Well, have you ever seen me shoot?

Robin: Not as yet, but I will.

William: Exactly. How do you know you’re the best archer if you have never seen any other really good archers shoot? I may be the best.

Robin: Prove it!

William: I will. I’ll shoot an apple from your head.

Robin: Not until I shoot one from yours!

William: So we’re back to that again?!

Robin: I can split arrows!

William: Don’t change the subject! We’re talking about apples!

Little John comes up

Little John: I like apple pie!

Robin: We’re not talking about pie John, we’re talking about archery! I am trying to prove to William Tell here that I am the best archer in the world but he doesn’t believe me.

Little John: (looking in astonishment at William) William Tell? The William Tell?! (takes his hand and pumps it heartily) It’s great to meet you in person! The greatest archer in the world! Can you autograph my quiver?

William: Of course.

Robin: JOHN!!! I’M the best archer in the world!

William: We’ll there’s really only one way to find out.

Robin: What?

William: We each try to shoot an apple from each other’s head.

Robin: Hold on now, I don’t know if I trust you to do that...

Narrator: Seeing as the argument seems to be going on forever, we are going to leave them now and go check up on another angle of this story.

End of Part Four

Next Part

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tuesday Snippets #4--Anthony Maxwell

I'll start off the snippet by saying that in exciting news, I have finished the first draft of A Case of Poisons! So I'm right on schedule and should be sticking to the planned release date of June 3rd. So I'll be working pretty much non-stop until then, hammering out the editing and making sure everything flows right.

Today's snippet is from chapter four and introduces Anthony's young urchin friend, Archie (who's also one of my favorite characters ;-)


         “Hello, Guv,” he called. “Got your message.”
         This was my faithful contact, Archie, a lad of about fourteen, and an orphan. Or Prince of Orphans, I should say, for he ran the streets with precision and made sure that the younger children were looked after. He found them places to sleep, food to eat, and kept them away from those who would do them harm. He was a bright lad, seeing everything and missing nothing; I had met him picking my pocket three years before (the Reader might notice that I have met several of my friends this way) and after feeding him a good meal, I employed him and his lads in my best interests, finding out things on the street to help with my investigations. He helped me and I, in turn, turned a blind eye to whatever hustles he and his cohorts ran to earn food and money. Heavens knows the children were doing no harm to anyone, as it was. Just taking a few pence or the occasional watch from the pockets of those who could easily spare several charitable pound to London’s urchins. It was a bit of a personal project of mine to take care of the children who lived on London’s streets, and try to keep them out of harm’s way as much as possible. London is a terrible place for orphans in the times we live in, and they need all the help they can get.
         “I was hoping you might be able to help me, Archie,” I told the lad as we set off down to Piccadilly where I planned to take him to Mrs Perryford’s. She too, did all she could to help London’s urchins and they knew they could always find food and shelter with her if the need arose.
         “Anything, Tony; what are you working on now?”
         So I outlined the case for him and all that we knew up to that point, which was precious little, I found, as I laid it all out for Archie’s benefit. We had reached Anne’s place by then, and were sitting at a corner table, I with my coffee and a sandwich and Archie with a full plate of food which he was wolfing down hungrily. He seemed to look uneasy when I spoke of finding two urchin boys among those murdered and there was a short silence between us when I had finished.
         “What I wanted to ask you,” I began again as he took a deep drink of his coffee. “Was whether you knew of anyone who has gone missing?”
         Archie shook his head. “Not among my hide, but I was talking to Jims from over in Whitechapel last week and he was telling me several ‘ave gone missing over there. Didn’t think anything of it, though. They always go missing over there. Usually turn up dead or get recruited for the work’ouses. I don’ let that ‘appen to mine.” He seemed angry and I couldn’t blame him. It made me sick to think that someone could be so cruel to children even if they didn’t have a family who would care if they went missing or not. But that was the way it was; everyone thought the street rabble were expendable and little better than animals.
         “Let me know if you see anyone strange, will you, Archie?” I told him.
         He nodded. “Oh, I will be sure to, Tony,” here he leaned across the table and there was a serious look on his thin, freckled face. “You find the bludger who’s doin’ this, and I’ll do him down right good.”



Also don't forget to check out the whole first chapter and let me know what you think by leaving feedback here.

And if you get bored waiting for the next snippet, check out my old/new serial "Much Ado About Everything"

Slainte, Hazel

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Much Ado About Everything: Part Three

Okay, so I just realized that I had started to post this play script I wrote called "Much Ado About Everything" a sarcastic satire. (Here's the explanation here.) I'd advise everyone to read the first two parts as well, and I promise that I will be posting the rest of this every Saturday until it's over, which I think it has six parts or so. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and I also hope you think it's actually funny and not just weird. (Oh, yeah, and ignore any typoes, I was too lazy to edit it since that's all I'm going to be doing for a while).

Part One

Part Two



Part Three
Trouble With Vampires

Narrator: Back in France, D’Artagnan has finished tea with Juliet and has gone back to find his friends.

Athos and Porthos are tattered and bandaged and are still arguing.

Athos: You do realize that this is still not the end of the matter. The only way you can fix that is to make us all a proper dinner with your own hands.

Porthos: You know I can’t cook!

Athos: I don’t care if it tastes like cardboard as long as it’s not horse! Oh, and as long as you have good wine.

Porthos: When have I ever not had good wine, Athos?!

Athos: Well, no time I can remember at the moment, but I’ll think about it.

Aramis: Oh for goodness sake! Do you two want to kill each other?!

Athos: Do we have to answer that question?

Aramis: No.

Athos looks up and sees D’Artagnan.

Athos: D’Artagnan! Where have you been? We just got a message. We are needed in England immediately! They are having problems there.

D’Artagnan: Of what kind?

Porthos: They will not tell us. They expect us to go over there and see it before we decide not to.

D’Artagnan: All right. Let’s go.

Narrator: So they cross the English Channel....

Everyone: The FRENCH Channel!!!

Narrator: Whatever. Anyway, so they go across that waterway between England and France and then once they get to the other side, they went to the castle they were summoned to.

D’Artagnan: Sooo...what do we do now?

Athos: I have no idea. 
Narrator: Suddenly, the door to the castle opens and out comes Poirot and Captain Hastings.

Poirot: Ah! So the Musketeers have arrived! Bon.

D’Artagnan: Sooo...what is this all about?

Hastings: Oh, you mean you haven’t heard? It’s about vampires!

Everyone groans

Athos: Oh no! Not the vampires!

Poirot: I am afraid it is only too true. I did not believe it myself, until now. 

D’Artagnan: Well, what are we going to do about it?

Athos: Fight them of course! This has gone on long enough!

D’Artagnan: That sounds good to me! Let’s go see what’s happening.

Porthos: (to Hastings) Hi Battla’.

Hastings: Don’t call me that!

Porthos laughs.

They come into the great hall of the castle and see Hamlet sitting there, holding a skull in his hand and looking at it contemplatively.

Hamlet: Ah, Bob, I knew him well.

Athos: (walking over to him) Hello, what’s with you?

Hamlet: (standing up and throwing the skull on the ground) All my friends were eaten by vampires. There are more ghosts around here than anyone could imagine! (Turns around and addresses the air.) Hi Bob.

D’Artagnan: Okay.

Poirot: As you can see, we have the problems most great.

Athos: I see that. I knew it would come to this eventually.

Hastings: Come to what?

Athos: To fighting the vampires.

Hastings: Oh. Right.

Hamlet: Can you get rid of the vampires?

Athos: Us? Are you kidding? We’re just Musketeers. We’re only good at fighting the Cardinal’s men and getting into illegal duels. We don’t deal with vampires. But I know who can.

Porthos: Who? Robin Hood?

Athos: No.

Porthos: Oh, William Wallace!

Athos: No.

Porthos: William Tell?

Athos: Nuh-uh.

Porthos: William Shakespeare?

Athos: I’ll give you a hint. It’s not a William!

Porthos: (thinking) Um...Mark Anthony?

Athos: No.

Porthos: The Sacketts?

Athos: Not even close.

Porthos: Hercules!

Athos: (sighing) No.

Porthos: Odysseus!

Athos: Not likely.

Porthos: The werwolves?

Athos: Not a chance.

Porthos: Edward Cullen?

Athos: NO!!!! The only person I know who can take care of monsters like they were chaff is Beowulf!

Porthos: OH!!!

Hastings: I say.

Hamlet: Well, how does he get here then?

Narrator: Just then there is a knock at the door. 

Hamlet: (going to the door) That must be him!

He opens the door and peeks his head out.

Beowulf: Hello, did someone call?

Hamlet: You must be Beowulf! Come in.

Beowulf: I heard there were monsters around. I came to take care of the problem.

Athos: Delightful! Yes, we have some problems with vampires. 

Beowulf: Never killed vampires before. But it can’t be any worse than giant swamp monsters or dragons. I’ll give it a go. Where are they?

Hamlet: They have surrounded my castle. But they won’t be here until it gets dark.

Beowulf: Good, that gives us time to prepare. Now, I think I’ll just call in some back up in that time. After that we can have a good dinner. It never does to fight vampires on an empty stomach.

Athos: (turning to Porthos) I think it’s time to make well your promise of dinner.

Porthos: Me? Cook? I’ll do no such thing! I forgot my lackey!

Athos: Too bad. Get to it. You know no woman will ever want you if you can’t even take care of yourself.

Porthos: Oh, All right! (stalks off)

Narrator: He goes to the kitchen anyway and starts making the dinner.

Porthos pokes around, opening cupboards and taking various items out of them and throwing them into a pot.

Porthos: (muttering) Me? Cook? I am a Musketeer! I do not cook, and I should not have to do anything for women to like me. What is there not to like?

He opens another cupboard and tons of poptart boxes fall on him. 

Porthos: Poptarts? What it with all this?

Hamlet: That’s what I’ve been living on. I can’t go to the store because of the vampires. Yorik! Get out of there!

Porthos looks up and sees a ghost sitting in the cupboard eating poptarts.

Porthos: I didn’t even know ghosts could eat.

Hamlet: Well, poptarts aren't really food sooo...

Porthos: Whatever, just leave so I can cook!

Hamlet: All right.

Narrator: After Beowulf calls in the reinforcements, they all sit down to a dinner, waiting for their help to arrive.

Hamlet picks at his food delicately, trying to figure out what it is. Athos takes a tentative bite and his eyes widen. D’Artagnan slips some of the food off his plate to a ghost dog while Porthos is not looking. 

Poirot: (looking at two eggs he’s eating because he refused to eat anything else) I cannot eat these eggs.

Hamlet: Why not?

Poirot: They are not the same size.

Crickets chirp.

Narrator: Just then there is a knock on the door.

Beowulf: Ah, that must be my friends now!

Narrator: Beowulf gets up to open the door and brings back Ivanhoe, Bois-Guilbert, DeBracy and Athelstan.

Beowulf: Meet my friends! They can do all kinds of things!

Athelstan: Don’t get too excited, I already made it clear that I fight tomorrow. Not today. I am not very skilled in fighting vampires. I only came for the free meal. (sniffs slightly) For what it is, anyway.

Ivanhoe: Don’t mind him, you know he’s always like that. So, what have you been doing lately, Beowulf?

Beowulf: Oh, just hiring myself out as a monster exterminator. It pays really well, you know. How about you Wilfred?

Ivanhoe: Oh, you know, the usual. Fighting jousts for fair ladies. It’s going to get me into trouble someday.

Bois-Guilbert: You bet it is! I can’t believe all the girls like you so much. I mean look at me? Am I not dashing?

Cricket sounds.

Bois-Guilbert: Oh, fine, have it your way!

Athelstan: Ugh! Someone put too much garlic in the pottage!

Porthos: (standing up and throwing his apron on the table) That’s it! I quit! I’m done with all this pocking and prodding and complaining about my food! And D’Artagnan, STOP FEEDING IT TO THE GHOST DOG!!!!

D’Artagnan: (looking up quickly) Sorry, he likes it!

Beowulf: Well, that was a hearty meal, though rather tasteless. Now we have to get to work. I have my magic sword and unbreakable shield. What do you have?

Narrator: They all produce various weaponry. 

Athelstan: Well, I think we all have sufficient garlic in our systems as well after that pottage. No vampire in his right mind would eat us.

D’Artagnan: Good thinking! (shovels the rest of Porthos’s pottage into his mouth while the ghost dog looks up at him sadly.)

Beowulf: But of course, what we really need is a good stake. Because that’s really the only way to kill a vampire.

Bois-Guilbert: Well, you could have told us that before we decided to bring pounds of other weaponry.

Poirot: (standing up) Well, Hastings, I think it is time for us to leave. Our work here is done.

Hastings: Right. Leave it to the professionals. Good luck chaps.

Athos: Thanks.

Athelstan: (shorting) There are far too many Frenchmen here.

Poirot: I am Belgium.

Athelstan: Well, excuse me.

Hamlet: Let’s go the the broom closet and see if there are any stakes there.

They all go to the closet and when they open it, a skull falls out and Hamlet picks it up.

Hamlet: Ah, Yorik, I...
Athos slaps the skull out of his hand.

Athos: That’s enough of that. We have vampires to fight!

Beowulf: That’s right. (breaks a broom stick in his bare hands and hands the pieces to everyone) There. Stakes. You know you have to go for the heart right?

D’Artagnan: Of course, what do you think we are, illiterate?

DeBracy: (looking down at himself) Um, does anyone have any other shoes. I can’t wear these court shoes. They are my best ones. 

Beowulf: (sighing) Well, if you knew you were fighting vampires, why did you wear them?

DeBracy: No one told me! Bois-Guilbert just drug me along. I was supposed to go on a date tonight!

Ivanhoe: With who?

DeBracy: Rowena.

Ivanhoe: (drawing his sword) Why you!

Athos: (holding Ivanhoe back) Time for that later! Right now we have vampires to fight!

DeBracy: But my hair! I got it curled and arraigned perfectly!

Beowulf reaches out and messes up DeBracy’s hair.

Beowulf: There, now you don’t have to worry about it. (then he picks him up and pulls off his shoes) And you won’t need those either. (He throws them away and they hit Porthos)

Porthos: OW! Hey. Woah, those smell!

DeBracy: You’ll pay for that...!

Beowulf: (stopping them and listening) No time for that now! I hear the vampires coming! We have to be ready!

Narrator: They all go to the door and stand around with their stakes and swords mainly for show because they won’t really do anything to vampires. They come closer, the companions can smell their foul breath! They knock on the door....!

Sound of vampires pounding on the door.

Beowulf: Stand and Deliver!!!!

Narrator: And now we end Part Three.

Everyone: (groans!)

End of Part Three

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