I hope you are all enjoying this insanity. Do tell me truthfully what you think ;-) Also as a note, don't try to read this from Goodreads because it messes up the whole format and is all a complete mash of words which makes it very confusing. I can't fix that, so I'm sorry. Just read it here on my blog =)
Of Tyrants and Lunatics
Narrator: Meanwhile, over in Scotland, King MacBeth is getting his house ready for company.
MacBeth: All you servants better hurry. King Edward and his wife are coming soon for tea.
Narrator: Lady MacBeth is in the kitchen making a special soufflé for the tea. MacBeth comes in to see how she’s doing.
MacBeth: Get that soufflé out of the oven, woman, our company is coming!
Lady MacBeth: It’s not done yet! Now leave before you flatten it with your big oafish feet!
MacBeth: Yes ma’am.
Lady MacBeth takes the soufflé out of the oven and suddenly the door slams open and a guard comes in.
Guard: King MacBeth! King Edward approacheth!
The soufflé Lady MacBeth takes out of the oven deflates immediately.
Lady MacBeth: You FOOL!! You ruined my soufflé! I’ll have you hung from the wall top!!!!
Guard: Yes, Milady.
MacBeth: Sorry about your soufflé, dear, but now I have to go meet my friend.
Narrator: Quickly, MacBeth skips away and goes to the front gate where he is to meet King Edward and his queen.
MacBeth: I don’t skip!
MacBeth opens the door for King Edward and grins.
MacBeth: Edward! It’s been a long time! Hey! We’re wearing the same t-shirt!
Longshanks:(annoyed) I see that. Where did you get that “Tyrant King” t-shirt? I thought I was the only one who had it!
Longshanks’ wife: Oh, let’s not fight. Look I brought you a present! (she holds up a potted plant)
MacBeth: PLANT!!!!! (screams like a girl and runs into the castle)
Lady MacBeth comes up to the surprised guests.
Lady MacBeth: Don’t mind him, he has a phobia to plants ever since he went to see the witches.
Longshanks: Oh, I see.
Narrator: They all go into the dining room where tea is set up and they start pouring and eating.
Longshanks: So, MacBeth, what kind of tyrant things have you been doing lately to merit that Tyrant King t-shirt?
MacBeth: Oh, you know, kicking innocent people from their land, killing people for no better reason than my own gain, the usual.
MacBeth: How is your hunt for William Wallace going?
Longshanks: Don’t ask.
MacBeth: Sorry. You know, you should go see the witches. They always make me feel so much better. Like I can take on the world.
Longshanks: Except the plants?
MacBeth: (glaring) They told me to avoid them. I am only taking their advice.
Longshanks immediately looks behind him.
Longshanks: Is there someone blowing on my neck?
MacBeth: (sighing) Duncan! I told you to GET LOST!!!
A man appears beside Longshanks’ chair and Longshanks screams and jumps into his wife’s lap.
Longshanks: A GHOST!!!
Duncan: (rolling his eyes) Yes. I’m a ghost, haven't you seen one before? I mean, we’re all over the place, you know! No thanks to him!!! (points to MacBeth)
MacBeth: (pointing to his wife) She told me to!!
Lady MacBeth: Oh, be quite! You know that if it weren’t for me, you would never be king right now.
Duncan: Yes, you would still be Thane of Cawdor like you were supposed to be. But, no, you had to go see the witches! And then you had to go and tell your wife and she had to go and tell you to murder me! You’ll be cursed, MacBeth!
MacBeth: (snorting) Like I haven’t heard that one before!
Narrator: Suddenly, they hear a banging at the door and yelling from the men. MacBeth stands up to see what all the racket is about.
MacBeth: (going to the door) What is all that racket about!
The door opens and Malcolm comes in, carrying a tree branch.
Malcolm: Guess what, MacBeth! Your day of reckoning is finally here! (hold the branch out and shakes it in MacBeth’s face) Shaky shaky!!!
MacBeth: TREEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (he runs to the wall and crashes through the window.)
Malcolm: Well that takes care of that. I’ll be leaving now. (walks out then come back in with McDuff) Oh, yah, I forgot, I’m supposed to be king now. So, you have to leave.
Lady MacBeth: (standing up) well, I never!!!!
Malcolm: (sniffs) Is something burning?
Lady MacBeth: (gasps and claps her hands to her mouth) My spinach puffs! (she runs out of the room)
Malcolm: (shaking his branch) Any other objections?
Longshanks: (standing up) Not at this moment. You will get my formal objections mailed to you once I get back to London. Good day. (he leaves and drags his wife away with him.)
Longshanks’ wife: But, I’m supposed to go shopping with Lady MacBeth!
Malcolm: Good, take her out so she’ll be out of my way.
Duncan: Good to see you Malcolm!
Malcolm: You too, Duncan! Give me a hug!
Duncan motions to himself.
Malcolm: Oh, yah. High five?
Malcolm: Never mind.
Narrator: And I think that just about wraps up Part Two.
End of Part Two